In January I took my daughters on a trip to Germany with me. This was their first time “truly” travelling internationally besides Canada and one cruise to Mexico. That was all it took. One trip. One real view of all I had been reporting back to them about since they were in kindergarden. One taste of a new culture. One confidence booster showing them the world was theirs to experience. They were hooked. And as a parent, who is doing their best to raise open minded, worldly, unique humans to contribute to this universe, I couldn’t be more proud!

My favorite memory from our Germany trip was from the night we spent in Weisbaden. The town still had some of their Christmas decor and outdoor pubs still up and open. It was spitting rain and freezing cold and Sedona wanted to ride the ferris wheel which was completely vacant. She paid for all of us to get on, she was so adamant about riding. The views were incredible. The laughs we had were irreplaceable and the memory will forever be one of my all time favorites in life!

Part of my moving to Thailand, to the criticism of a few, was to inspire my daughters. Not abandon them. I knew they were ready for take-off! And they have proven that to never be more true by these adventures they full heartedly have embraced. I have never missed them more, or been more proud!

I organized a girl’s night out at Phuket Town’s Timber Hut. I invited Jason too but he was in Taiwan. Heard about this bar when researching places to go out. It’s been around for a long time and reviews on the cocktails, food and bands are top rated . But according to what I read it doesn’t really start hopping until 10 pm. All of us old ladies took a nap in preparation 🙂 Arrived at 10 pm and closed the joint down at 3 am!!!

I haven’t had a night out like that since I arrived in Phuket. Was so much fun. We were bought shots from locals who I believe were entertained that we were the only farangs in there. I asked the bartender what his best cocktail was and then I watched him pour about 6 different alcohols into my drink! It’s no wonder I was dancing.

Believing in God’s timing is something that has proven such a beautiful lesson to me over here. I usually try to control how everything transpires. Instead I have used my Monk Manual to focus on just two things a month, resting in the fact that the Universe can bend time and life happens as it should.

Barbara had mentioned Cambly as an easy online teaching venue that is based on conversational English. Something I am good at! So I gave it a shot and got accepted as a tutor. Yesterday I spent the afternoon reading all the tutorial advise and how to work using the site. I made a whopping $7 my first night 🙂 Nonetheless am proud of myself for diving in, free falling, and conquering yet another unpredictable part of my adventures.

Such an interesting mix of people you hear from. Some are just testing the site out on a free trial which is difficult. One gal studied in Denver, Colorado and got her masters in child development. We chatted about disabilities and sign language, teaching it to infants. Very interesting conversation. Others speak very little and you have to do your best to get them comfortable enough not to just hang up. Every time the phone rings you NEVER know who you are going to face. Most of the Saudi women are amazingly strong, but most do not show their faces on camera. Today I spent an hour with an Indian college student who wants to do journalism but knows his vocabulary is limited. All so interesting. I’m having a blast!! Such a perfect job for the freedom I want over here.

I can put in priority the hours I wish to take from the time slots available and then wait for the calls to come in. I studied the time zones of the main consumers and I am testing different times to see which I prefer to take to hopefully get a regular routine going. The Indian guy already asked to see my schedule so he can set up an appointment when I am available again.

Today Virlane, the Illinois/Norwood gal, set up a what’s app group called “Rocking American Ladies”. Appropriate I thought. We all decided to meet up at Sabai Sabai for lunch and then try to find the Surfer Contest that I saw a post about on FB. Was an awesome day. Started with some day drinking with Barbara, then getting lost and trying to figure out where the heck the surfers were, to eventually landing our butts into shaded beach chairs and chilling out for 4 more hours.

Today, being the Friday before the Sunday that my rent is due, I realized I needed to find a bank or way to deposit cash to make that transaction happen. Water bill also appeared in my mailbox. A whopping 35 BHT (1$) for the month of June. Manageable.

All banks and offices shut down for the hour between noon and 1pm for lunch. To kill time on my way I decided to stop at my favorite Bicycle Cafe for a bite to eat prior to figuring out where the nearest Kasikorn Bank was. I ate three amazing fried eggs, toast, cappuccino, and juice for 145 BHT. (about $4.50) Found out while googling that the mall near me has all Thai bank branches on the 4th floor.

Tonight was another expat party. I went knowing Barbara would be there so that was reassuring on some levels. Mali took me, as I knew I wanted to have a drink or two and didn’t want to risk Tia’s well being. (or my life) Ironically on the drive to the event, Mali told me that he got hit by a drunk driver and the entire side of his brand new van is completely scraped up. He did not turn the guy into the police. He kept pointing to his heart and what I gathered was that he would feel too guilty about it, knowing there would be huge punishments involved.

I arrived at the venue and another white dude asked where the InterNations party was. So I stepped up to hear the answer and told him I was headed there too. We rode the elevator to the 7th floor and had to walk another walkway and up a hill. I attempted small talk with him, but he was being a dick. Maybe all expats are just strange. But the party proved to be a blast! And yes, all expats are flipping “unique.

Jason has been living in Phuket for 5 years. He is ADORABLE. I love him and hope he keeps in touch with me. He is in realestate and when I asked if he handed out his business cards at this venue, he sweetly drew a finger circle around his face and said “this is my marketing.” When I told Uwe and Jason about my bank opening issues, they had heard similar stories. Jason said Thailand is not a straight line. You need to circle around a bit to get anything done and make connections along the way. That is the only way to get anything done. We exchanged numbers and he is going to hook me up with his lawyer. He said his lawyer would call a bank and then I can go and open an account. Score! He also told me he falls off his motorbike a lot because he is too light weight. I told him I don’t have that issue 🙂

Tony was something else. He talked a mile a minute but was courteous to take a breath if you interrupted. I couldn’t quite figure him out. He’s conceited to all hell, but for reasons that appeared to be accurate. He showed me a photo of his place in Santorini and told me if I went to Greece I could stay there. It’s just empty right now. He also told me I needed to walk with him down in Patong and I would see everyone clap for him. Apparently he dances every night down there for several hours and supposedly draws crowds. He claims to never have paid for a girl. (yes this is a common subject here) I told Barbara I wanted to go out with him one night just to see if he’s full of shit but I wouldn’t dare go alone. So she said she was game! 🙂

As we were all standing there chatting, a dude with long sideburns, a spiked leather jacket, pointy cowboy boots, slicked back hair and a huge belt buckle started walking behind the guys who made a “OMG” expression to me across the table. I said…..”Hi Steve!” He was the Aussie guy that I met last month. Everyone was like WTF and he joined our group. I mean talk about an eclectic mix of people! Priceless.

Barbara was working the room and pulled me over and presented a fellow mid-westerner from Illinois. Funny thing is when she walked into the party I noticed her thinking she looked like someone from Norwood. She has lived in Phuket 3 years and said everyone thinks she’s a librarian. I told her my mom was one and ironically so was hers. She and I are going to get along great! Saturday I’m dragging her out to watch the surf contest in Patong with Barbara and I. Let the fun begin! I have another friend.

** updating with an additional point that is always a question asked of me.

A lot of family and friends following this blog are seriously questioning how I am doing. I mean, truly. Not just my fun adventure reporting and mishaps on my daily light-hearted reports. I decided to share. Break it down. In complete honesty for those who care to read. It’s going to get personal, so stop now if you are not up for it and do not care to take that level of a dive.

1. I’m continuing to heal and work on my self worth issues that stem from God knows what. Life. Childhood. A 20 year gas lighted marriage with a cheating husband. Enduring a job where I was never creative enough, fast enough or kind enough. Being a middle child. Never having proper dating experience. You name it. I’m sure we all somewhat suffer in this arena in one way or another.

• Nature seems to really help with this for me. It’s where I can observe beauty in flaws and peace in silence. Where I can speak with the Universe and feel He/She is all around me while I see how all creation moves and intertwines. “Nothing in nature lives for itself. Rivers do not drink their own water. Trees do not eat their own fruit. The sun does not benefit from its own energy.” Phuket is filled with mountains, jungles, beaches, sunshine, rainstorms, clouds and all of Mother Nature’s best. It is a great place to rediscover oneself.

• This island is also a safe place to be. As a woman I have NEVER felt unsafe alone. I have never felt watched or harassed by men. I am left alone to live and interact as I would desire. If I desire. When I desire. It’s been an excellent retreat into solitude. I have yet to turn on a TV. “A quiet mind is able to hear intuition over fear.” Crime is heavily punished, so you can leave a bag, helmet, sweater- anything on your scooter and nobody will touch it. It’s such a comforting feeling. Hard to explain to an American where we have to watch and lock up always and kids/people get shot at in schools/churches.

• I’ve learned from Justin’s challenges to me (he may be younger, but can be wiser) wants vs. needs. https://unfuckyourbrain.com/want-vs-need/ Discovering that I use men as an emotional vending machine. Expecting to get what I want by labeling it a need”. Instead of fulfilling my own emotional needs with inner peace. Huge eye opener for me. (Yes I probably could benefit from consoling, but hey!- I’m still out there challenging my soul to improve )

• Am I oversharing? You can always stop reading. 🙂 My days here are completely my own. I can do what I want. And sometimes that is difficult. To keep myself from spiraling into “what the heck am I doing here?” and falling into a depression which to me looks like crawling back in bed and never leaving the condo. But now that I have made a friend here, who has more energy and sexual gusto than an 22 year old, I have plans lined up all week. Friends help. And having a girlfriend here that completely relates in many ways to my story is a bonus!

2. Immigration here is still a challenge that I have not yet grasped or conquered. In fact Barbara and I were meeting for lunch today and she called me early and said I need a drink, immigration is a nightmare. So….it’s not just me. From what she explained they want tourists here, to spend a lot of cash fast, and then get out. They truly do not want people like us who are in fact contributing by living here, but spending more consciously while using their resources.

• I am on a FB blog meant specifically for immigration questions. I look at it everyday and snap photos of anything having to do with my visa type. Unfortunately, I have yet to find my answers.

• I received a text from my realtor saying my residency paperwork is all in and approved. He sent me photos of the web link. I had read through blogs that sometimes it’s easier to open an account if a Thai friend is with you and you go to their bank. So I headed out to meet up with Min today asking that she take me to her bank.

• I need an O-A visa. I have an O. I swear. I started googling the difference. I guess my visa is supposed to be for people married to a Thai spouse or on a volunteer job. Well I am picking up trash again at a beach Sunday, but I don’t think that’s what they mean. All this time I thought I had a retirement visa. I decided it was time to post my questions to the blog.

3. People are worried about my affordability of just playing over here for three months. Anyone that knows me, that is a valid concern. I am not rich. But I have faith. Faith that God brought me here, and so far it has been an experience worth every single penny! “Trust God to supply what you need AS you need it.” (sorry if I sound all churchy- but it’s true) I refuse to let money stop me from exploring this island because above pt. 2 pretty much explains the difficulties in staying. Hell maybe when my lease is up, I will decide to move to Bali or Vietnam.

• Being honest, I do need an income to make this work long term. The paddle board business is not going to happen. Mostly due to the Kingdom’s requirement that all tourist businesses are owned by Thai citizens. I can own up to 40% of the business but will struggle to set it all up and not be taken advantage of by my “Thai friend”. Even Min today asked if I could just open the bank account up in her name. (hmmmmm—–money is always such a touchy topic and in my mind is the root to all evil\and yet such a necessity in life)

• I applied to one English online school that Barbara works for and loves. But the wait for approval can be up to 6 months. In the meantime, I need to obtain my TEFLO certificate. I meant to get that before I came, but never really got that far looking into it. So that is next on my horizon. Barbara suggested to not do it online so that I could connect with a Phuket School here for the student teaching part. She explained that helped her tremendously in figuring out which age range she worked best with.

• Legally I am not allowed to make an income in Thailand. So remote or off shore work would be best. In the meantime, I believe Zoe has two room mates lined up starting August and that will cover the condo expenses back home. Living here is approximately 15,000$ max per year including food, rent, etc. Affordable choice. Would be great if I didn’t use up all my $ surviving and could actually bring in some to pay for that expense.

• I did make a list of things I felt Phuket could benefit from once I figured out the tourist restriction. But my enthusiasm soon fizzled. (good beer would be one – they have hardly any good choices, but after researching I found out why- tariffs.)

4. Physically, do you notice any differences in my selfies? I am most definitely tanner, thinner and happier. None of it from trying”- but simply by living. I am the most fortunate person in the world to have the audacity and ability to move to Thailand and breathe a bit. I’m working my way back to physically stronger as I haven’t worked out since my yoga in Phuket Town and really have NO excuse why that is. I don’t drink as much, but if I do pick up one of their horrific bottles of wine they sell, I manage to drink it all in one night 🙂

• I do not drive Tia with more than one drink in me. And speaking of good ole Tia, she has given me a TON of joy that is unexplainable. I never understood people with motorcycles. Yet driving this scooter is the most fun, powerful, freeing feeling and I absolutely love it. I zip in and out of traffic so confidently now. I never want to go back to driving car. (but I do understand its necessity in weather!)

5. Relationships- there’s a subject. “Distance does not make people grow apart. Silence does.” I feel this couldn’t be more true. With technology what it is, there are so many ways to catch up with someone. Web service is smooth and video chats with Justin, Traci, Kassie, Sedona and Steph have kept me going! Texting and Marco polo are also easy options with the time differences and I am always bouncing from Messenger, to What’s App, to my blog, to Instagram, to Marco Polo—–anyplace to pick up that golden nugget message from home.

• My tribe will always be in the USA. My intention was never to purposefully leave that, but rather to start something for me, in an affordable healing environment. I am learning to give myself grace. I sometimes beat myself up for not having immigration and the job thing figured out yet. But honestly, I reflect and know everything happens as it should. I’m just going to ride it out. Let it fall into place and keep peace in the journey of it all.

Okay gang- if you made it through all that….wow. What else can I tell you>? I have sincerely felt the support from so many people, some that I didn’t even know were watching”. Yesterday one of my Indian vendors (Reeki) what’s app” me immediately after my post cracking up that my shower curtain wasn’t from SKL 🙂 I loved that he was reading along!

I wish I could make money just by observing and existing in different cultures, but unless I get offered a book deal, I don’t see that happening. The bloggers and influencers are all out to sell”- which I am not really into anymore. Pushing consumerism and yet being bothered by all the waste in the world. Too conflicting.

Please ask me anything you want to know, seriously! in the comments of this post. I will give you my honest answer.

6. Why Thailand? A question that is most commonly asked and Kelly Loader- college roomie, texted me this question so I thought I would add to the post. It’s a question I hate admitting the answer to, because for some it seems silly, almost stupid if you were to be one of the judgmental types- but for me it was a calling. A voice I listened to that was perfectly timed.

• Stephanie invited me to her lakehouse in the summer of ….gosh 2017. I was completely depressed, driving there by myself, crying to my sister on the phone on the way. Tiffani said, when you arrive, put your emotions to the side and lock them up and start new. I didn’t know if I could. But the minute I parked, I pulled it together with a smile on my face and walked into a retreat of approximately 20+ women, none of who I knew besides Stephanie. Meredith walked into the house with her usual spunk and spirit and said, “Hi I’m Meredith”. I responded by “Hi, I’m Tonya. I don’t know a single soul here,” to which she replied “Me neither! We are going to be best friends.”

• That is how my journey began. These women which I now refer to as “the lakehouse gals” lifted me up and put me back together. Fast forward a couple months later we meet out for drinks and Meredith had just returned from a vacation with her daughter in Phuket. She said, “Tonya, we should start a stand up paddle board business there!”. I drank and said, sure! We should! The next day she was serious as fuck, and asked me if I was going to sell my condo when I moved to Thailand or keep it 🙂

• I started looking into it. It was do able. I read one of Sedona’s college entrepreneur books. I started googling competition. Costs of living there etc. I needed a change. My parents had both passed away. I was divorced. Kids in college and a business of my own is exactly the right next step for me. I had started teaching a class at Miami University with Carla and the students there had no fear. No “can’ts” from years of experience. They were inspiring.

• Things just kept falling into place for this to happen. I dreamed about living small” and downsizing. Those tiny house shows were want I wanted. Simplicity, small expenses, and just living. I made a mood board and read my bad ass daily calendar that Beth gave me. All were providing me the encouragement I needed to make this move happen. I wanted to inspire my girls. Show them the world was theirs. Start a business that hopefully they could become part of. Dream big or go home. And that is how Thailand was selected. I had never been to Phuket before ever in my life, but it has proven to be an excellent choice to have made.

Know I am well. I am happy and healing and love you guys for continuing this journey with me. x0x0

The rainy season has me a bit worn out. Riding Tia in the rain is not my favorite thing to do. And lately it seems like I am a storm chaser. Only moving in the opposite direction attempting to avoid what looms ahead. Yesterday I was supposed to meet Barbara for dinner and I cancelled . When I walked out the door the wind was picking up and the sky was black. The wind can sometimes seriously blow me over!

Today I was determined to get out. I woke up at 7 am to a wicked storm but it soon opened up to blue skies. I was optimistic. I had one piece of bread in the condo, so I set out to eat first thing after getting off the phone with loved ones. As soon as I left the Bicycle Cafe and started heading toward my determined beach of the day, the sky was pitch black and I immediately pulled over to get another coffee just to seek shelter. Checking out the satellite there was no end to the rain until 6pm. GRRRRR.

Well hell, I at least had to hit the grocery. Needed to get toilet paper and water at the very least to get me by. So wet and all, I stopped at the store and loaded up, wine included, thinking this would just end up being a drink” day. ( I know I am living the life where the choice is wine or beach right?!) Upon leaving the grocery the skies opened up and were blue again. SERIOUSLY!? The weather here moves and changes like my mood swings. I dropped off my groceries and immediately headed out to Tri Trang Beach. Another smaller hidden gem, unknown to most.

My beautiful Tia was parked outside what looked to be a new restaurant. Since I wasn’t able to grab any of my instant Starbucks before I left this am (shout out to SKL pm crew for that gift!!!) I decided to pop in for some coffee. I’ve discovered that coffee is the only thing that truly beats my depressing funks. It motivates me to get out and jump starts my brain away from the lethargic slug like state I was in last week. Talking to Justin daily also helps and I am forever thankful that he remains in my life challenging my thoughts and emotions.

As much as I hate to admit it, it’s impossible to ignore all the trash on these beautiful Phuket beaches. Some washes ashore with barnacles attached. Much newly tossed from the many locals and tourists. It’s such a shame and another human failure that we tend to ignore as we continue to purchase absolutely everything in plastic.

I love hearing about all the companies that are banning single use plastics and use of straws etc. Being a third world country Thailand is slow in catching up. They are just now starting to sell reusable bags at the groceries. And I guess every little bit helps. I reached out to the Phuket expat community FB group to ask for any organizations locally I could join to help pick up the trash on beaches. I received a ton of haters- saying “why bother, the Thai people will just toss it back out in the ocean.” Another hater saying “why do you need a group??- grab a trash bag and do it yourself.” Gotta love freedom of speech.

The reason you need a group, is because it is IMPOSSIBLE to clean up alone. It’s so overwelming and endless. It’s nice to spread out and comb it from one point to another. I found a group called Trash Hero which is organized by a Dutch man named Ron. I saw an alert on FB last night and decided that was what I was determined to do today.

I have never been passionate about much. I’m not into politics but seriously, there is no denying that we, as humans, are the worst to our environment that was entrusted for us to upkeep. At this point my hope is placed in the next generation to provide solutions to all we have sadly left for them to figure out.